I Kid! Some Vegan Snacks to Make You Feel Young

This week, I participated in my very last seminar meeting as a graduate student – the last class of my life. Of course, I will still be a student for infinity the next couple of years as I write my dissertation. But as far as coursework goes, I’m done!

This milestone, while exciting, is also terrifying in that… I’m kind of an adult now. At the very least, I’ve inched a little farther along that life axis that spans from the belligerent, generally inappropriate child I once was to the belligerent, generally inappropriate old person I hope someday to become.

In recent years, I have become more and more anxious about aging. (The other evening, I purchased a bottle of pinot noir without getting carded and I almost cried.) So I decided that if I couldn’t regress physically back to childhood (obviously, I couldn’t), I could at least regress gastronomically.

I got to work preparing three of my favorite childhood snacks, one of which had to be veganized. The recipes, if they can be called that, are delightfully simple. Just like childhood!

Ants on a Log

Chop celery sticks into 3-inch pieces. Spread a generous amount of peanut butter on each one, and top with raisin “ants.”

Homemade Apple Sauce

Skin, core, and chop up four apples. Put them in a sauce pan with ¾ cup water, ¼ cup organic sugar, and ½ tsp ground cinnamon. Cook over medium heat, covered, for 15-20 minutes. Transfer the apples to a food processor and pulse until the applesauce is the texture you want.

Bagel Pizza

 

Cut a bagel in half. I use Bagel Josef’s plain bagels from Trader Joe’s, which happen to be vegan. Sprinkle Daiya vegan cheddar cheese and layer sliced avocadoes (or tomatoes, or whatever creative pizza toppings you have lying around) on top. Broil in the oven for about three minutes, or until the cheese melts.

Easy, Vegan-Friendly Super Bowl Snacks

Photo: VegNews.com

Somehow, despite my utter lack of anything resembling interest in football, I have found myself invited to a Super Bowl party. It’s my first Super Bowl as a vegan (not that I’m using Super Bowls as life benchmarks or anything), and so I have to wonder: on a day when productivity, marriages, and human decency are sacrificed for love of football and greasy, cheesy, meaty snacks… what is a vegan to eat?

Just because some guys on TV are tossing around a pigskin, doesn’t mean you have to be eating the rest of that pig in the form of bacon bits as you watch from your couch. If you have the time and ambition to whip up something fancy, check out Ecorazzi's list of Super Bowl vegan recipes.

But what if you are lazy? Or what if you have a vegan coming to your non-vegan Super Bowl party and you want to make sure she doesn't starve to death (but you don't like her enough to go to the trouble of preparing an elaborate vegan meal option)? Well, here are five ideas for simple, vegan-friendly snacks to enjoy this Sunday:

1) Potato Chips
This one’s not surprising, since the only ingredients in most brands of potato chips are potatoes and astonishing amounts of oil. Just make sure your potato chips aren’t made with animal fat, and you’re good to go.

2) Guacamole
Check the ingredients if you’re buying a tub from the store, or make your own by mashing up a few avocadoes and tomatoes and adding lemon juice and salt. Tortilla chips for dipping are usually vegan, too!

3) Veggie Platter
I know, I know, no one likes the person who brought the veggie platter, especially if there's no Ranch dressing. But if you’re okay with being a stereotypical vegan, go for it.

4) Fruit Kebabs
Unlike veggie platters, people will actually eat your fruit kebabs. Spear pineapple chunks, strawberries, blueberries, melon, or whatever fruit is in season and arrange the kebabs on a plate. If you want to get fancy, mix some lemon or lime juice into plain soy yogurt to make a tasty dipping sauce.

5) Vegan 7-Layer Dip
At any sports-watching party, whoever brings the 7-layer dip is everybody’s best friend. Make your own vegan version by using the following layers:
1) Tofutti cream cheese substitute (or Trader Joe’s brand) mixed with taco seasoning
2) Guacamole
3) Salsa
4) Shredded lettuce
5) Daiya vegan cheese
6) Chopped green onions
7) Chopped black olives

So what if my 2012 Super Bowl experience is bound to revolve around waiting for a close-up of Tom Brady’s butt face? At least I’ll have snacks.

Top 10 Accidentally Vegan Junk Foods

As a vegan, my diet consists mostly of vegetables, fruits, nuts, and grains. I'm an advocate for eating local, unprocessed foods as much as possible, blah, blah, blah. That's all well and good. But sometimes, I've got to have snacks. Disgusting, over-processed, diabetes-inducing snacks. And thanks to Peta's list of brand-name products that are "accidentally vegan," now I know what my options are.

Below is my list of Top 10 junk foods that are, purely by accident, vegan-friendly.

Photo: blog.nj.com

10) Reese’s Peanut Butter Puffs
If I can’t have Reese’s peanut butter cups, I’ll settle for their slightly significantly less exciting younger cousin. In the realm of junk food parading as breakfast cereal - and it’s a surprisingly vast realm - Reese’s (Reese?) is the obese king.

9) Smartie’s
According to my British friends, there is a UK version of Smartie’s that is way more delicious than our version here in the US. Well, those aren’t vegan. Sure, our Smartie’s might not be all that delicious – they might even be the thanks-for-participating prize of choice at pretty much every elementary school spelling bee – but you know what they’re great for? Gluing to a piece of graph paper in color-coordinated rows to learn about fractions.

8) Ghirardelli Hot Chocolate (Double Chocolate)
The chocolate mocha and chocolate hazelnut versions are also accidentally vegan, but if I’m fancy enough to drink Ghirardelli hot chocolate (and snobby enough to pronounce it with a hard “g”), I think I can handle the double chocolate, thank you.

7) Big League Chew
Never mind that the last time I actually purchased a Big League Chew, it was from the snack shack at my middle school baseball field and I was wearing tube socks and Adidas Sambas. Back then, I had no qualms about shoving fistful after fistful of those gooey pick shreds into my mouth, then tipping the bag back and pouring in the rest, so the resulting wad of gum was nearly impossible to manage between my jaws. It's good to know I can relive that experience any time I want.

6) Wheat Thins
Wheat Thins are one of those snacks that you just barely convince yourself are healthy for you to eat an entire box of. They’re basically crackers. They have the word “wheat” in the title! Come on.

5) Fruit by the Foot
In the hierarchy of elementary school cafeteria snack trading, Fruit by the Foot is the bourgeoisie. You could trade up for a Fruit Roll-Up pretty easily (jokes on the wrapper, hello?!), but no way was I going to score a Fruit by the Foot in exchange for the low-fat cheese stick or apple my mom stuck me with.

4) Kellogg’s Unfrosted Poptarts
A lot of people think the best part of poptarts is the frosting. I disagree. I think the best part of poptarts is the goopy, slightly grainy, artificially flavored “fruit” filling that sticks to the roof of your mouth like napalm. Lucky for me, I can have it in fake brown sugar, fake blueberry, or fake strawberry form.

3) Nabisco Oreo Cookies
When I was a kid (and had traded shrewdly that day in the school cafeteria, duping some poor sap into exchanging his Oreos for my chewy granola bar), I used to enjoy Oreo cookies in the most disgusting way imaginable. I would use my front teeth to scrape the crème filling off, and then – rather than just swallowing it – I would collect it from behind my teeth and use my fingers to roll it into a little ball. That ball would grow as I added the filling from three to four cookies, discarding the chocolate cookie part as I went. Then I would pop the huge, spitty crème ball into my mouth and suck on it until it dissolved. I can’t wait to resume this enchanting little ritual as soon as I get my hands on some Oreos.

2) Swedish Fish
Yes! Swedish Fish are the best.

1) Sour Patch Kids
I never understood this snack. Am I really nomming on kid-shaped candies? And what is a sour patch? Is it like a vegetable patch, but instead of vegetables, it grows… sour? Do the candy kids live in the sour patch? How did they get so delicious?

The world may never know. But at least I know what to snack on as I ponder these questions.