And the Beet Goes In(to the Juicer): Beet-Carrot-Spinach Juice

When it comes to receiving Christmas gifts, I’m a little nontraditional. Diamonds might be a girl’s best friend, but who wants a best friend who’s prettier than you? Also, best friends can stab you in the back - and if they’re using a diamond, it’s going to hurt.

So David, who obviously knows me well, gifted me a juicer. It’s not just any juicer - it’s the Omega 8006 Nutrition Center Juicer. We named it Omar. Omar is easy to clean, which makes him far superior to the only other juicer any other juicer I’ve ever used.

Of course, I wanted to start “juicing” (that’s what the cool kids call it) immediately. I decided to switch our Plow to Porch delivery subscription to the “Juicing Box,” which includes more juicing-friendly produce and fewer random things like turnips and dragon fruit.

We received our delivery later that week, and it included an absurd amount of beets. I don’t have anything against beets, but I usually like to eat about one beet per sitting, maybe two if for some reason I have two beets on a plate in front of me. In this “Juicing Box,” we received three bunches of beets, with four beets to a bunch. Math is not my strong suit, but that is too many beets.

At this point, we had no choice but to start juicing every day, so none of the produce would go to waste. It became sort of a bonding ritual between me, David, and Omar. David would come home from the office to find me diligently scrapbooking writing my dissertation, and we would head to the kitchen to find Omar and make some juice. We came up with a bunch of different juice “recipes,” all of which included beets, of course.

I felt like Lil’ Wayne with all the beets I was dropping… into the juicer. One of my favorite recipes only involves three vegetables: carrots, beets (duh), and spinach. Here’s what I used:

6 carrots from Rancho Cortez in Santa Maria, CA (distance from me: 65 miles)
3 beets, including stalks (save the leafy greens for a later meal)
1 bunch spinach, also from Rancho Cortez

I started with the spinach, because Omar’s instruction booklet said he prefers it if you start with the softer objects (like spinach) and work up to the harder objects (like carrots). That seemed reasonable. But after most of the spinach had been juiced, here’s what I had:

A disappointing yield, I’m sure you’ll agree. But not to worry: greens always produce a paltry amount of juice, and that’s just as well, because spinach juice tastes all weird and bitter. That’s what the carrots and beets are for: to make you forget you’re consuming an entire bunch of spinach in two sips. After juicing all the carrots and beets as well, I had a container full of juice (on the right, closer to Omar) and a container of pulp (on the left):

It was enough to fill two mason jars: one for each of us. I was struck by how much the carrot-beet-spinach juice resembled blood, and I suspect David had the same thought, because his face looked a little funny as he raised his mason jar to clink with mine.

Vampire juice?

After taking a sip, David and I smiled at each other from across the kitchen table and immediately turned away in disgust: our teeth were coated with a sheen of the blood-red juice. A superstitious person might assume we were vampires who had, just this second, committed murder.

On the bright side, it tastes delicious. The bitter taste of the spinach is completely overwhelmed by the sweet beets and carrots (whose juice is as sweet as a fruit’s, surprisingly). The moral of the story is: drink this juice, but not before a hot date! Unless your date is into the whole vampire fad.

Racially Ambiguous Tofu

I’m signing the lease on a new place today (an adorable cottage downtown), and it’s gotten to be that time: time to eat every random thing left in the fridge and cabinets before moving. By the weekend, I’m sure I’ll be drizzling veganaise over stale Cheerios, but the situation is not yet that dire.

I wanted to get a jump start on using up all the random condiments accumulated in the back of the fridge while there was still yummy food left to enhance with said condiments.

First on the proverbial chopping block: a bottle of Soyaki sauce from Trader Joe’s, purchased by either Emily or Amy at least three months ago and deemed too unimportant to pack for their cross-country flights.

Trader Joe’s has a fun (and arguably racially insensitive) marketing campaign that involves changing the name “Trader Joe” to reflect the nationality of certain foods. So the label of Trader Joe’s brand tortilla chips, for example, reads “Trader Jose,” while that of a bag of bagels is instead “Baker Josef.”

This Soyaki sauce was confused, I guess, because the front label read “Trader Joe San” but the back label read “Trader Ming.” No matter. It was brought to me by Trader Joe San and/or Trader Ming – all the way from Japan or possibly China – and I was by no means going to waste it.

The description on the label said, “a unique teriyaki sauce and marinade for meat, poultry, fish, tofu, and vegetables.” Well, two out of five ain’t bad. I had tofu and vegetables!

Katie and I got to work inventing our dinner. Here’s what we used:

1 block firm, sprouted tofu
 2 carrots, chopped
2 cloves garlic
2 bunches kale, chopped
½ cup slivered almonds
Trader Joe’s Soyaki sauce, to taste

I wrote “to taste,” but I just used up all that was left of the Soyaki sauce. That was, after all, the whole point of making this recipe.

I’ve learned my lesson about tofu; I know to grill it on its own before mixing it in with other ingredients. That way you can evenly brown it and not worry about it falling apart all over the place. I cut the tofu into half-inch cubes and cooked it in some olive oil.

Meanwhile, we sautéed the carrots and garlic (also in olive oil in my wok). Once the carrots were cooked, we added the kale. We had to transfer the whole operation to a big pot, since the kale took up so much space at first.

Whenever I stir fry things with kale, I’m worried the whole dish is going to be overwhelmed by all that kale. But this time, it cooked down so much that two bunches ended up being about right, in my opinion. Katie disagrees - she recommends using just one bunch - but she is not crazy about kale in general.

Once the tofu had browned itself evenly, we added it in with the veggies and poured the rest of the Soyaki sauce over the whole thing. Here’s what it looked like:

The best part about it was the combination of textures: almonds, carrots, kale, and tofu. Oh, and also that I don’t have to pack up and take to my new apartment the racially ambiguous Soyaki sauce.